Lunchbox Lamentations

I love Supernatural. They really are playing it up this season and not taking themselves so seriously. It's made it so that Guy can watch, laugh and not see me fawn over the boys. Yes. I still do that.

I love my boys: Sam, Dean and Guy.

Also. Avatar. I'm torn cos I want it to be better than the trailer tells me is. After all, James Cameron is attached to it and my Michelle Rodriguez is too. But it screams 'escape our bad planet and let's take over some others' world'. Seems very much like our world history. Please don't go there.

Gaw, the nerve of you people. Taunting me with your posts about the thing and your excitement. I'm being facetious. I'm glad I'm not participating. I have no time. This is the first time I have time to actually go to school and do mostly nothing else besides study(I do count my internship as education-related activities cos I am learning). 

I planned on completely ignoring this NaNo business but I've been writing more recently anyway. While it's not 1,666 words a day, it's enough to keep me happy. Guy said we should probably spent our time together not watching Supernatural, Glee, Mad Men, Castle and 'Shawn and Gus'(Psych) on DVR. We should be writing and helping one another with our respective novels. I thought he was right. Now if only we could guiltlessly let our shows get old and fill up the 'ol grey box while we satiate our needs for creative outlet. Or some load of bull like that.

Guy bought 5 lbs of pens from WOOT. I don't think he knows how to use a pen anymore being a programmer.

This is what he does when we're supposed to be watching TV together.

I could smack him but it's such a geek thing to do.

I didn't get to bed until way past midnight and then I spent more time awake going through my outer monologue. It was mostly me asking questions aloud as Guy tried to get some shut-eye/answered them. Ever since I've re-started the writing process for my novel, the ideas have kept flowing. Now when I'm supposed to be programming, I'm willing time to pass so I can get to writing.

I'm hoping this'll die down in a week or so but I remember what it's like. Since I haven't written much(or any) in the past six or so months, my memory of my mind always racing is so far removed from me. Late nights, early mornings, constantly itching to write. That mindset of writing, writing, writing and all else secondary is scary to think about.

I know I stopped because I was disappointed in the quality of what I produced. What a lousy reason to stop doing what I enjoyed. But I can't stop breathing cos the air is poor. I gotta keep breathing or I'll die. Fresh air is always a lookie-loo away.

Yes. So I'm writing again.

Let it known: I adore Guy's parents. But I'm tired.

I blame the introvert in me. Even being with new people in small numbers takes a bit of energy out of me. Guy of course loves it despite trying to pretend not to.

That thing that both me and Guy acquired has finally reared its head on me. I'm hoping it isn't H1N1 cos I do not need that nonsense now that I'm in school full time and have no health insurance. Gaw. I feel like poop, my back still hurts and I have a quiz tonight I can't miss.

Guy is out in the field doing his Commie outreach this week so he isn't home to be sick with me. Ugh. Yesterday he sounded like Hell on the phone.

His folks get here Friday. Here's to hoping we both don't get them ill and aren't completely useless when they get here.

Last night as I walked to the train over by WTC I wondered where the two beams of light were. I cringed at the tourists taking photos of the construction site. Still disgusts me.

I didn't oversleep like I usually do (maybe cos I was in Jersey and not NYC) but after a couple of hours of avoiding doing anything, I took a nap.

I just feel like I can't do anything without thinking about where I was eight years ago. I was very much depressed.

I have a habit of holding things in. It always comes out in a huge outburst or passive aggressive nonsense.

I'm always annoyed. Something will always bother me(I'm working on it). Just today, I hardly did anything but check email, go get some dinner supplies and check the regular mail. Let me list it:

• Got my deposit from my former roommate. Fifty dollars short, with no explanation but a post-it that said, "let me know if there are any problems." I knew it was going to happen. I left the apartment clean and left him supplies for cleaning(that he didn't have and thanked me for). So much for being nice. It would've been courteous to explain why he deducted $50.
• Stupid Half.com stills comes up as spam and all their emails never reach me. So I lost one sale from August 2nd and possibly another one from just August 28th. I had to switch emails and tweak settings for me to get their notifications properly.
• I've developed chronic backache upon waking in the morning. Everyday.

Also, I have too much stuff.

AFRICAN AMERICAN FOLKTALES ARE NOT AFRICAN FOLKTALES.

*There was an African girl with her mom asking about African Folktales. My co-worker pulled a book about African American folktales. Don't tell me there isn't a difference.

Also. Don't ask me to watch your kid while you use the john. Hell no. I will call seCURity.

In a little over a month Guy's folks are coming to visit. I'm already nervous cos they're academics and I'm the loser who's dating their semi-successful only son(yes, I know I'm exaggerating). 

Last night he tells me not to mention a few things about him. Like how he smoked his entire adulthood. And how he works on the Commie paper three days out of the week. And how he's got this gum thing going on his mouth that may or may not be serious.  I asked what could I talk about when asked.

That's a good question.

* I do not fucking care if you have to wait for the bathroom cos somebody's in it. Read the sign that's right above the doorknob and it'll tell what to do.

* I don't come to your house and dig through your private things. Don't rifle through our desk, underneath our private shelves and tell me "you're thinking" when I ask you if you need help.

* I don't care if you want a certain type of item and then after searching for it(without telling me what it was in the first place) you don't find it. You should have asked for it outright before wasting time. I don't care if you're upset we don't have it.

*I don't care you can't stand up for yourself with upper management on keeping track of things we already do on a daily checklist. I will ignore the checklist until it goes away.

*I do not care if such and such has a million titles, we are a second-hand establishment. We do not have every thing in existence. We cannot perform miracles.

*I do not care if you think our cleaning person is mean cos he shut down both bathrooms. He's trying to get his work done(for you to do what you will to trash it) in the shortest time possible without you bugging him and bitchin' about how you can't use the toilet.

So much dramz over the security deposit yesterday.  Long story short: I asked roommate if he would apply my deposit (I'm month-to-month with no lease agreement) to my last month rent. He said no. I was fully prepared to go all out and say I wasn't going to pay August's rent cos it just didn't make sense the way he was resisting it. Made me believe he didn't have the deposit at all and wanted to stiff me when I moved out. He stated he had problems with our other roommate, M, when she moved out. For the record, she threw out the curtains in her room and he was getting huffy about the $40 for them. Mind you, we had continual leaks and roof cave-ins and he's getting upset about curtains? *side-eye*

After talking to him and then thinking it over, I decided to give him a chance to prove he's not being shady. As Judge Judy says, I need proof of the agreement to get my monedas back. We never signed a written roommate contract. To save both our skins I drafted a deposit agreement stating I would get my money back two days after I left like he said. We both signed. Unless he'd like a nice judgement against him in small claims court, I think he will stick to the agreement. Also, he's spiritual and I know karma will be weighing heavily on his mind about this. That and he's afraid I could copy the keys and steal his shit if he messed with my money. (And no he couldn't change the locks fast enough to avoid that cos our Super takes two weeks to never to fix things).

Here's to hoping my roommate does stand up and be honest. Otherwise, it's to court we go.

I wear a headscarf. This is mostly cos of my problem with the hair and being lazy cos I don't have the time or patience to do hair. On occasion I have not worn the scarf and have garnered praise and shock from many people. All of the comments are okay but I'd rather move on and focus on other more important things. Hair is, well, just hair.

For my birthday two weeks ago, Guy bought me a few scarves. They are gorgeous. I'd been thinking about wearing a tichel full time instead of my regular bandanna scarf. One of the scarves was the perfect size for tichel wearing. This week, I mentioned to very that I might as well don the hijab and be done with it. In light of the recent focus on Iran, the hijab and Muslim women, i went to research the wearing, styles and importance of it all.

What I found was that I loved the practice; no insult to the religious aspect of it. My Christian/non-Christian upbringing does play a part in my need for modesty. I don't like tight clothing, don't like to wear very low-cut shirts, like my skirts and dresses long or past the knee. Ask my mother, who likes to show her curves (and she has 'em, trust me). She could never buy her style of clothes for me and had to really look hard for "acceptable" clothing for me. When I went to church as a young teen, I had to have my skirt down past my shins or I would be uncomfortable. Maybe that was innate for me, cos that was long before I converted to Seventh-Day Adventist Christian.

Who knows whether I'll convert to Muslim faith. Probably not. But I do respect and enjoy the hijab-wearing. I see the beauty in it beyond the purported oppression of women.

I wish I had more time to contemplate all the issues surrounding the hijab, headcovering and myself.

Strangers coming up to me looking at my name tag, squinting and sounding out my name. You honestly don't give a crap about who I am except to annoy me and try to ingratiate me so I can help you. It's my job to help you don't try to butter me up.

Lance Bass. @ work. Kinda cute.

That is all.

Yeah. I dunno. And I haven't been drinking.

So I'm struggling to write this paper due tomorrow. I can see why I took so long to get down to writing. There is nothing but the same recycled info on it cos the thing happened years ago and was sensational and now no one cares. Even the companies involved no longer have their statements on their sites. Hmph.

Stupid internet.

If I have to hear another question about why the first HP is so thin compared to the other books I am gonna kill somebody.

Seriously, it's the first book in a series. They're not all going to be that thick.

If I could give up speaking for a year (or more), I would without a doubt .

I don't understand why people ignore what I tell them. If you ask a question and it's vital information (such as "we don't have that"), why must you ask again?

Last night I had this happen again at work. Someone asked for something and instead of waiting for me to finish my reply, he ran off in search of the item. Ten minutes later he comes back all, "I couldn't find it." Yeah, cos you didn't listen. I told him that too and he apologized profusely. Help me help you.

I like it better when the answer is either yes or no. Of course, many people like to repeat the question in hopes the answer will change. No. Yes. 

Last week I went on vacation. Technically, it still is my vacay, since today is the last day. Haven't turned on the computer since Thursday although I did read Google Reader Saturday night for an hour. The longer I stay away from the internet, the less I want to go back.

I didn't go further than Jersey cos 1) I am broke; 2) and still had school.

For the record, I saw Tiff for a bit on Friday. She had to re-do her headshots for a new agent. I went to the mall in Jersey for the first time. I didn't reach the beach like I had planned. Stupid rain on Sunday.

But. Guy told me he wished I w3ent on more vacations cos I'm less stressed out.

I love that NBC's Today Show is doing their 'We the People' program on Latino Americans. I know it's a small thing but much needed.