That'll never happen again. 'nuff said. That thing I was gonna do that I did and it turned to crap, yeah, well shall never speak of this again. That shit never happened. Poof. I'm not angry just amused by how others are and how resilient I am.
So...I caught up with Moe. I love that girl to pieces, she keeps me grounded like whoa. What the frell!! Gotta type and not watch Supernatural at the same time. Right, so Moe tells me all about myself so suscinctly and effortlessly:  But I know you're gonna give him an inch  when he comes swooping through out of the fucking blue demanding a dicking football field. It's sooo you. To give people a little bit when you know you shouldn't cause they're fucked up. I really miss Moe, her and I use to talk almost every day a long time ago. She's on the marriage track by the way she tells it. Her boyfriend is head over heels in love (he decided to tattoo her initials on his ring finger). That's love or just crazy.

Sounds a bit like me for thinking about Adam the way I do.  He's flip-flopping. I don't want to talk about this.

Supernatural  has murdered me. I hate hate hate them. Guess that means season two is a go.  Gonna read my magick book and put away thoughts of guys for a night.

I must have a disjointed view of relationships. The writing prompt said: If you have experienced an requited love, Write a scene in which your love is requited. Okay so I write that  and reading it, I notice I'm punishing myself. I have the guy but he can't have all of me. Can't get one bit of happiness and I'm rude to boot. Well, it's not supposed to be me (gradually fictionalize yourself the prompt goes on) and she's still someone I don't like.

She used humor as a way to disconnect from the moment, to avoid pain. I do that often. I recall mentioning a joke(in many situations) at a pivotal time and hating myself for it. I did that when I was coping with the loss of this one guy and I took all the letters he wrote me and analyzed them in my OD.
Point in question:
"...let go of some of your...feelings, and express how you feel deep inside... not care what your mind is telling you. what I'm saying is just give in to your true feelings, and stop worrying about being "girlish",(poppa, remember? weakness? refer to entry 'i wanna be honest ')because if you haven't realized you are a girl, and you have emotions that sometimes over power rational thoughts great. just when I was hoping I wasn't.
And he said he didn't understand big words.
What scared me half to death was the PS on the top flap of the letter. In big cursive:
I want to be with you and I hope you want to be with me.
what was that? another one of those eye twitching moments to sit and ponder."

I think it surprises others when I am mean, blunt, cold and otherwise the opposite of what they see on my face. Of course I'm not supposed to be those things, I look like an innocent cherub who needs help and guidance. I couldn't possibly be angry, I'm so little and adorable. I've heard it. Don't like it. Tiff constantly calls me on it. I like who I am that constrasts the way I look. It's an even bigger constrast from the ghetto moniker with which my mother has cursed me. I'm rambling, I need to eat, I'll get back when I have my thoughts together.

My big boss, PW is so simple. He was sitting by the window in his office doing his homework, listening to James Taylor. He needs a hug. Sometimes . . . he does so much and the others make fun of him and treat him badly. Gxi estas ne mia tasko al puni la potencoj tio esta puni I say.

words. lost. nothing to say.

oh yes, got bored in Physics last night and focused on this kid just cos he reminded me of Ged, the wizard of Earthsea(or at least what he would look like if he were real). I need new hobbies.

I'm feeling  right now.

Now, I decide to look for scholarships as I get closer to graduation. What an ass. I am still upset my mother can claim me as a dependent even though she provides nothing for school or living expenses except when I ask for a loan (rarely). And you know she takes credit on her taxes for education despite me paying all of my tuition and getting a loan. It's sick. 2005 is the last year though, as I turn 24 in July and her gravy train is cut off. Woohoo!

Funny how I look up something and suddenly I get the info in the mail? Taxes, right and NYPL gets the updated exempt schedule today. This happens 70 per cent of the time. A friend use to call me "Premonition girl" and it bothered me. I am not saying I'm psychic but it's too often not to be coincedences. When I first started writing, it happened so much I had to stop and write impossible occurrences. Anyway, that outta the way . . . you now know what I look like. Gah, you have permission to bully me. Don't do it, though, I have many methods of torture.

Tam has invited me to Minnesota to visit. MALL OF AMERICA here I come! I think I'm going round about New Year's. Yeah, it's blizzard central, the heart of the USA, but it's also where my sister lives. She loves it there. As long as I get to see her. Hopefully not long because I start to annoy her and dislike her if we spend too much time together. We can't live together. I miss her even though she beat me up when I was a wee babe and made me almost bald when she was five. Who can blame her? Four years as the queen of the roost cut short by a sickly baby mommy cooed over does make you kind of resentful. Well, the office will have to survive without me for a few days.

I saw a woman during lunch pushing a carriage with a baby that reminded me of Ike. Yes, my tortoise. I have to develop and scan the shots I have of him sometime.

He made me smile yesterday because he came out of his sugar box to look at me and press his nose to the glass.