Written in late 2001 when I was on hiatus from college and thoroughly depressed. I love this one (part of the Minutae Essays) because it was written from a point of view I'd never tried and it worked. And I realized my characters are smarter than I am.

 ( This was my portal. He stole from me )

I have that song stuck in my head. I think the songs are hinting at something. You're probably saying, press here to start? whatthehell? Yeah, Cleopatra, their last album.

I'll be anticipatin' this is our song their playin'

That gawdawful song is in my head ever since 20weeks put up that challenge. I hate Britney, her and her slow ass hubby. (note: I did tolerate her until I watched that show on UPN) Yes, I do own an album . . . or two of hers. Not by choice. I was fooled the first time. The second one, well, my sister tried to turn me again. What is with the teenies and the need for conversion? 

I just downed a Grande Macchiato. I was feeling sluggish and thought double the caffeine may do the trick. Usually I just get sleepy after coffee. I have the feeling like I'm drunk. Sloshing around. This is why I only have coffee once, maybe twice every six months.

I should be writing but I dunwannew. I don't want it to be a chore like it has been and then I resent ever picking up a pen in the first place.

Just a ponderance: How many cliches or famous quotes, lines or figure of speech items do you use daily? Perhaps since I had my last Final yesterday evening I shall start thinking.

I like to use big words not to sound important just because I feel if I don't I can't confuse people. No, wait. That's not why. I love words. I keep a dictionary handy (not gonna say where cuz you'll think I've gone to Mordor and travelled--just crazy) and I use it frequently. Last night alone I must've looked up five words.

Funny, I don't like to talk but I do love words. I hate the sound of my own voice (vocally) but I love using new words. I wrote a manifesto about writing in my opendiary, now if I could just find it . . .

FOUND IT!

" See how i'm talking about my characters like they're real people? It's weird cuz when ppl ask why I had this person do this in a story, I say they did themselves. I see myself as an outlet to their personalities. They tell me what to write. I have no control over them. I'm a retarded writer I know."

" somebody said I was evil (hell, a lot of ppl said it;think it). I am.

I hurt ppl unintentionally and make no apologies for it.

Why? Cuz sometimes ppl need it. We're too "politically correct" and everything offends somebody. Makes me sick.

Makes me confused.

You want me to say what I feel then you censor it.

Why come?

society wants all to conform in being unique.

I view it as a pendulum swinging both ways

On one hand they open their arms for you to reveal

the other harbors the stink of discouragement.

Heh, we need to find a religion that doesn't hate.

Since everything seems to be socially acceptable.

one of my characters said that in his soliloquy, I guess. Perhaps one day I will give you my website address to read the companions and the rest.

he told me this while drinking black coffee with two--no, three--sugars. he wanted to whisper but he's too bold for that. he wasn't boring as he usually is.

he was being himself for once. One blind eye opening. "

Aah, wait this is something else. About characters. Gotta search again.